Tuesday, August 11, 2015

What Day Is It?

Last night was the last night of the 2015 Heat Wave women-only running group.  I sure do love that program.  I was a volunteer leader again this year - which is funny, because I'm not SUCH a strong runner... I'm just very enthusiastic.  Even as "leader" for the "back-of-the-packers" I sometimes struggle to keep up.  Last week was awful - my calf muscles were tight and wanting to cramp and they just never let up, the whole run I was just in pain.  Until about 40 minutes in.  That's right, you heard me.  FORTY minutes.  I had a miserable night and as a "Group Leader" felt like a failure.  But I guess I can say I was providing an example of how even experienced runners have a SHITTY RUN now and then.  Suck it up, buttercup.

During THIS week's run; however, got into a great discussion of "Balance." Shifting focus from "weight loss" goals to "fitness" and "attitude" orientation, and how that can affect things both positive and negative.  This past year, my goals had to make that shift, which required a great deal of soul-searching and conscious effort to reward myself for different behaviours, set different weekly / monthly goals, and begin looking at the number on the scale in a whole new light.  That gave me some space (mentally), taught me to be kinder to myself, and ease up on the pressure to Always Be Losing.  (When losing becomes impossible, that pressure is a recipe for self-hate, not self-love.)

My goal was to stay active, enjoy the "Active Lifestyle" I have constructed over the past six to eight years, and get comfortable maintaining that level of activity in the body that I HAVE, rather than waiting to start enjoying activities when I have the body I'm "supposed to obtain."  The part of that shift that was hardest for me was learning to tell the difference between "being kind to myself" vs. "being lazy" or "being complacent."  It's still not second-nature, but when I take the time to think through my decision-making process, it's always really easy to decipher.

Sometimes, "just showing up" is a win.  And I'm all about rewarding, celebrating, and acknowledging those days and giving props to myself when I Just Show Up.

From Michelle's Facebook Page - I saved as a great reminder for myself.
But other days... I can do better than Just Show Up.  Some days, I could kick the crap out of my workout and still come back for more.

The trick is knowing what day it is, and pushing myself appropriately.

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