Tuesday, December 1, 2015

A Walk Without a Dog

Today, I took a walk.  I went somewhere I’ve never been before, and walked around for a half-hour or so.  In a new place, one I’ve never visited with The Hubs, or with one or both of the dogs for an adventure, or even on my own or with a girlfriend, I walked.  The path was steep, so I climbed and climbed, slowly and slowly.  I watched my footing, as one does when navigating unfamiliar terrain. 

I did not think about my deep sadness.  I did not ponder grief.  I did not recall watching my dear bully struggle, in pain, and labor for breath.  I did not think about how useless and stupid I felt, watching him in his last moments, unable even to help him die with dignity.  I didn’t brood about how deeply affected my family has been by our big strong dog’s sudden but still somehow drawn-out passing. 

I didn’t mull over how much work I had waiting back at the office, or consider what I should do first upon my return.  I did not make a mental list of tasks and priorities.  I did not plan what’s for dinner or what I’ll do this weekend. 

I wasn’t even avoiding meditating on all these things.

I just watched my footing.  And I walked.