Tuesday, February 25, 2014

Really, Chris?

It's strange how sometimes you have the most profound thoughts in the weirdest times / places.  Usually it's in the shower, right?  Of course, because you can't write it down or do anything about it.  All you can do is start repeating that profundity, over and over, in your head or even out loud (?, sure, sometimes.), until you get out, dry off and find something to write on.  And by then I've certainly forgotten it, or at least lost the point of the thing.  This is my life.

Not this time.  I was brushing my teeth before bed and just allowing that crazy stream-of-consciousness freight train to fun along in my head. You know, man, the dogs were crazy tonight, what was that about?  Need to spend some serious time training with them as it gets warmer outside.  My neck really hurts, might need to check out a chiropractor or something.  I should learn not to fall down, or at least not to tense up my neck when I do, that would help.  How do you NOT tense up when you're falling down?  Gotta make sure my gym bag is packed for tomorrow, I have Catch the Wave after work and I won't have time to go home, gotta change at work or maybe in the bathroom at the park.  I've gotten a LOT of exercise recently.  Feels good.  It sure would be nice to see a loss on the scale this week after all that work...

And. I. STOP. 
Image courtesy of artur84 / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Wait. What?  
What's that you just said?  "It sure would be nice"?  Really?  What is this, a movie you are watching?  What are you, hoping for a happy ending?

So let's just check that thought right now.

I am not a passive observer of this process. I am not even a participant in this process. 

I AM the process.

I control whether my weight goes up or down or stays the same. This week and every week. 

I am in control of this. Am I going to do what it takes to get what I want, or wait for it to happen by some magic, benevolent force??

To quote our former president, "I am the decider."

Or another quote I use more often, usually on a different theme:
My body. My choice. 

I'm sure I've written a similar post at some point, but these thoughts are half my problem.  Yes, I got plenty of exercise this week, but have I gotten plenty of healthy fuel for my body?  Meh. I'd say 50/50. Well then, what do you expect?  If my mental exercise consists of wishing and hoping for better outcomes, instead of planning and working to achieve the outcome I want, the fight is over before it starts.  If what happens on the scale isn't really up to me, then it won't really matter what I eat or whether I exercise.  My fate is determined by an outside entity, so what difference does it make?

All of this probably stems from the so-so run I had on Sunday.  It was great, but it was really more of a very long and vigorous walk than a run.  My legs were tired, but I could have run more, and I knew it.  But hey, the gods will decide what happens whether I run or walk, right?  

Maybe I really did need a break.  Maybe I'd pushed my legs and glutes about as far as I should have for one week.  Perhaps.  Or maybe, I lost the mental battle before the physical one ever even started.
Image courtesy of Stuart Miles / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Get your head out of your ass, Chris. Let's go. 

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