I spent much of last week feeling dejected, disheartened, disillusioned, and distraught. I went to work and home again feeling lost and confused. I was withdrawn and pretty much wanted to stay that way for a while. I had a 261 Fearless Meet Run scheduled for Saturday and made no attempt to promote it or encourage anyone to attend.
On Friday, still feeling like I wanted to hide in my Hobbit-Hole forever, I had these thoughts:
I don’t want to run tomorrow.
I don’t have it in me to lead a group of women.
I can’t PRETEND to feel inspired.
I hope no one is coming. Then I can just take a walk by myself.
I wish we had another coach who could step in.
Yes, THOSE thoughts.
I checked our Facebook Events page (shameless plug) and found that, even without any promotion whatsoever, four women said they were coming. four more were keeping it on their calendars by saying they were “interested.”
This is a pretty good response rate for our little start-up club. Normally, I’d be elated by this news.
I was not.
I really wanted to Hobbit-Hole all weekend. I resigned myself to “leading” a run in the morning and went on with my Friday.
Saturday morning, I tried to muster some excitement. Some weeks I have a theme that I build our workouts around, and I decided this week we would frame our meet run with Unity. Without making it about politics, I built a workout around being Better Together, coming together as strong women and remembering that the mission of our Club is to bring women together to Hold Each Other Up. I came up with team drills, some exercises we can do simultaneously, even a couple where we lock arms and literally hold each other together to be more in sync.
I have to thank those women who joined me this past Saturday. You made me Better by being there for me. Just by Showing Up. I didn't have to PRETEND to be inspired. You Inspired Me.
261 Fearless is NOT a political organization. But the Personal and the Political are inextricable sometimes and for THIS 261 Fearless Club Leader and Coach, this week was politically charged and you, ladies, helped me find a path out of the muck I was stuck in and into the light.
My reasons for wanting to Hobbit-Hole remain. I remain scared for the future of our community and our country. I remain resolved to do whatever I can as an individual to fight Racism, Misogyny, Xenophobia and Homophobia in my community. But you lifted my spirits.
You helped me remember that these fights are not fought alone.