The Story of Me, The Little Folksinger, and a Boy Called Patrick

This month, the folks at #261Fearless asked the Ambassadors to write, blog, and post about the women who inspire us, in honor of Women's History Month.  I am inspired by so many women in my life - bloggers I love, my grandmother's bottomless well of kindness, my mother's inventive problem-solving, my girlfriends' amazing athletic and child-rearing feats. Then there are the women I have learned about - scientists, biblical characters, writers, teachers, athletes, activists, entrepreneurs and even celebrity evangelists!

As I thought about this assignment, I kept coming back to something I wrote on my personal Facebook page years ago.  It shares a bit of my own personal history as well as my connection to an artist who has been influencing and inspiring me since I was really still a teenager.  

What I've written here is, I suppose, a lot more about me than about her.  But she has shaped my life, helped me become who I am.  Her writing continues to help me see the world through a wider lens, one with a sharp focus on equity, MAtriarchy, and empathy.  I love that I have an opportunity to share this connection publicly.  And perhaps some day I'll have an opportunity to thank her personally.

I wrote this post in June 2011.  I've added some links and changed a few names, but left it otherwise unedited.

My recent trip to Buffalo, NY for work allowed me a long-awaited opportunity to visit the headquarters of Righteous Babe Records, the historic building known simply as “The Church” which Ani DiFranco and the RBRrrmy have renovated into business offices, merchandising space, an art gallery and performance venues.  I was graciously offered a tour of the whole facility and the opportunity to thank a couple of the women who work to support an organization that has had a profound influence on my life and my little world.  The trip provided a moment of closure, a long-delayed end to a complicated chapter of my life that started almost 18 years ago.  I wanted to write something to mark the occasion; to say goodbye and let it… go.

The first time I heard Ani’s voice, it was her poem “My I.Q.” on the Puddle Dive album (http://www.righteousbabe.com/ani/puddledive/l_myiq.asp).  It was Fall of 1993.  Nearly 20 years later, I can recite that poem verbatim, right now.  I won’t repeat it here. Too many of you have been forced to listen to it in the wee hours of the morning or in the ladies’ room at weddings or in my car, or… well, you get the idea.  The poem struck a chord in me and woke me up in a way that made me wonder if I had ever really been awake, and certain I had been asleep far too long.  Three minutes later, I heard “Blood in the Boardroom” from the same album (listen at http://www.righteousbabe.com/ani/puddledive/index.asp).  I’d never heard anything before that could be described as both “feminist” and “whimsical” at the same time – it was like being struck by lightning!  In a word, I was hooked.

It was about two months later I learned I was pregnant.  When my son Patrick was born and placed with his new family in the summer of 1994, the grief I experienced was infinitely more profound than I expected.  I was utterly unprepared and I didn’t have the tools to deal with it. 

I credit MANY things and people in my life for helping me learn to live with my decision.  The Hubs and The Brother-In-Law caught the lion’s share of the burden.  They taught me it was OK to laugh and have fun, even when I was feeling sad or angry.  They gave me permission to have joy in my life.  They provided me a “free space” where I could be as bat-shit crazy as was necessary.  They made me feel safe.  Always.  The Hubs's Best Friend, too, put up with my need for a free space – for a while (and he was right to suggest a limit to it).  I owe these men a debt I cannot repay.

I was battling the urge to self-destruct, learning to cope, fighting my way back to myself and this process took years.  During this time I learned this:  the knowledge you made the right choice, that you did the best you could under the circumstances, is not the same as having peace with that choice.  It was sometimes cold comfort in the face of the consequences of my decision.  I believe some wounds never heal.  But with the right help, you might get them to scab over and maybe even stop the itch. 

In the midst of this turmoil, I had my family – including my amazing mom whom I cannot begin to discuss here – my friends, my ambition, my own naked determination to move forward… and when none of these were enough and I felt myself beginning to drown in my own sorrow, I had Ani’s music.  Her records were a life ring in a sea of grief.  They provided a focal point outside myself and I grasped hold of that circle of hope and it allowed me to rest, check out of my life for a while, return to fight when my strength was restored.

In the past 17 years, my relationship with all those who were there for me during that difficult time has deepened and solidified.  Ani, being only a few years older than me, has matured and continued to write songs that closely correlate with my own experiences, opinions and politics.  I believe my perspective has been shaped by her music as much as by anything else in these years.

My son turns 17 years old today.  By all accounts he is healthy, smart, and well-rounded.  He was raised in the same community his whole life.  He has friends he’s known all his life.  His parents were able to provide opportunities and a level of stability I could only dream about in 1994. 

I am reminded again today that I made a decision I can be proud of.

They Called Her Rissa Bear

I had intended to maintain radio silence today in honor of my family's loss, but decided it was meaningless unless folks knew why.  My cousin's daughter, just 2 years old, was a warrior.  She lost her battle last week and the family gathers today to celebrate her life.  She was beautiful, sweet and had a profound impact on everyone who met her.  The family has asked that in lieu of flowers, donations be made to Unique, the Rare Chromosome Disorder Support Group.  If you are so inclined, please donate and let them know Rissa sent you.  They work to provide information and support for families and caregivers of children like Rissa, and their work was meaningful to my cousin and all her family.

Other friends and family members created the following tributes to Rissa.

Warrior Angel

Rissa

Fare thee well, little Warrior.

I know my family is holding tight to one another today. And my heart is with them.

I'll be back with my regularly-scheduled programming in my next post.  

Off-Topic? You tell me.

A friend wrote to me recently with an interesting question.  I was intrigued and told her I’d ruminate on it and get back to her.  Two weeks or so go by and I’ve taken notes and jotted things down as they came to me and whatnot, and this is my attempt to respond… take it for what you will.  This started off WAY OFF TOPIC but the more I thought and wrote, the more ON-TOPIC it became, so I decided to post it here.

Here’s what she asked:

"Ok this is broad but have at it.  So--I have a question: What do you see-as a woman- that are a few problems women face in America? Little girls, young women, old ladies-all of it?"

WOW, what a question, right???
Where the fuck to start?

A couple of thoughts on that, actually.  What is MY perspective?  Demographics:  I’m a woman, just turned 40, who grew up in southern California but came of age in central Illinois.  Personal:  I’m straight, married only once, to my partner of over 18 years,  have an adult child living at home, and two living parents in their 60s who should be retired, but aren’t.  Professional:  I’m a CPA who’s worked in corporate accounting and finance but spent most of my career in public accounting and auditing.  In those roles I’ve worked with dozens if not hundreds of clients ranging from TINY governments and not-for-profit agencies to major globally-recognized organizations (both for-profit and not-for-profit).  Politics:  I have my own weird mix of Hippy-Dippy-So-Cal Progressive beliefs crossed with Practical Mid-West Stay-Out-Of-My-Personal-Business.  I call it Radical-Feminist-Capitalism.  I’m also pretty much an atheist, but please don’t tell my grandma.  So my approach to a question like this is based on these basic facts of my life. 

First, the obvious (to me, at least):  I love my family and they are absolutely my number-one priority, but in many ways, I am first and foremost a professional.  My career has been high on my priority list since the day I figured out What I Wanted to Be When I Grew Up (which came surprisingly late in life, which is partly how it came to have such high priority… I had some catching up to do.)  The first and easiest answer that came to MY mind when I read, “What are the Problems Women Face in America?”  was as follows: 

I’ve said it before and I WILL say it again:  “Sexism is alive and well in Corporate America.”

I am blessed in my current role in that I’m not faced with blatant sexism on a daily basis as I have been in previous jobs but it is DEFINITELY still a factor.  I won’t go into a litany of specific facts and circumstances, but at every organization I’ve ever worked, there is at LEAST one man (and sometimes a shocking majority of them) in power who clearly has no respect for the women in the room, no matter their position, qualifications, background, experience, expertise, education or certification.  There’s always that ONE dick in the room.  And you won’t have to wonder which one it is for long; he WILL make it clear – just give him a minute.  He’ll make sure you know he’s smarter than you are (He’s not.  They never are.  I’ve been in lots of rooms where I’m not the smartest one in the room, and I’m usually happy to know it, but THAT GUY?  Nope, not him.  Not once.) and that he has a better take on the situation than you do (which is sometimes irksome and disappointingly true) and that no matter what, you will never measure up.  Because you will never have the right tool for the job.

 

The second point that came to mind is SUPER obvious to me, and I was surprised how long it took to think of it in response to the question:  “What are the Problems Women Face in America?” 

The women I work with – those that are married – are the main or sole breadwinners for their families.  ALL OF THEM. 

I’m not being hyperbolic here: nearly every married woman I work with – and this would apply to the majority of married women I’ve worked with in recent years, not just my current job – makes more money than her spouse, and that’s IF her spouse is working. 

This circumstance has been a shock to the system for us AND our husbands and it affects SO MANY varied aspects of our personal and professional lives.  The balance of power in our relationships, our understanding of our gender roles, for better or worse, are drastically and VERY QUICKLY changing.  I’ve never been a full-time parent but I have watched how this change has played out for my coworkers with children. 



Balance, balance.

Exaggerated examples:  One woman has a stay-at-home husband who takes care of their child but doesn’t do laundry or housework or cook, so when she gets home from work, she has ALL THIS WORK to do!  All she wants is to curl up with her man and her kid and enjoy an evening, but he wants to drop the child with her and go watch TV and relax.  Another woman’s husband isn’t working but looking for a job and desperately wants to be contributing more to the household and it places so much pressure on the both of them…  And then there’s the couple that seems to have it all worked out.  They came to some agreement about dividing up the household chores where neither of them feels like ALL of the responsibility is on them, but both feel they’re pulling their weight and contributing to running the house and raising the kids. 

Every couple is different and as far as I know, in each of the situations I’m aware of the couples are happy and no one’s marriage is breaking up, but it is HARD.  No one told us this was going to happen and it happened so fast, it’s tough to navigate.  We need to build and sharpen our skills imagerymajesticand strengthen our ability to communicate with our partners and address these changing roles or we will all be in serious trouble.

Once I’d gotten all that work-related stuff off my chest, my head was cleared to contemplate Problems Women Face In America of a more personal nature. (I swear the way my brain approached this question is a Meyers-Briggs personality evaluation in action.)  So Next Up: 

The struggle with self-image is still a major part of my daily reality. 

I believe this is true for many women, but we rarely speak openly about it.  After joining my local running club I’ve gotten to know a wonderful, supportive group of women where I feel comfortable talking about such things on occasion.  But my husband is really the only person I speak to in depth about this kind of crap.  I am trying to use my blog as a tool for thinking and “talking” about these issues as well, but it’s an ongoing, daily struggle.  Don’t get me wrong - some days it’s really not that big a deal, but SOME days... 

The shit that goes on in my head is fucking astounding sometimes.  There is a MEAN lady who lives in there and she just WILL NOT shut up sometimes!  I don’t have any big statement to make about this – I have no interest in harping on the media or social constructs that create a false image of what women “should” look like and feel like or blah blah blah…  I read articles online sometimes about these things but most of the arguments feel hollow to me (though I’m sure there’s a nugget of truth in them).  I think my own self-image issues stem from right between my ears.  The media may be out there egging that bitch on, but she doesn’t live in a magazine and she wasn’t created or inspired by Angelina Jolie; she lives in my head.  She’s my problem and mine alone. 

After I started running and later started my blog, I began to feel like my Facebook page had been taken over by motivational messages that none of my friends and family had much interest in, so I created a separate Facebook page for the blog.  That’s when I got plugged into The Online Community.  The Online Community – running and fitness bloggers, podcasts, etc. – is hugely supportive and has been in some ways a terrific resource and source of encouragement for me, but in other ways it serves to keep me disconnected from my “real” life.  Which brings me to my fourth observation on Problems Women Face in America:

The ability to connect digitally tends to promote LESS connection physically and emotionally, with those we spend time with – who are IN THE ROOM with us. 

It’s EASY to spend an hour reading motivational MEMEs and looking at photos of Other People’s Transformation and reading articles on How to Hydrate and What to Eat to Fuel Your Next Workout.  I LOVE reading the few blogs that I follow closely and I LOVE that I can pop in and read really great writing on subjects that are close to my own experience.  I love that Michelle the Blogger at DiaryofanAspiringLoser.blogspot.com has shared so much of her experience online and that her journey has been in some ways similar to mine because we’re about the same age and we share a similar worldview.  (Or so I think based on reading her blog.)  It’s easy to read these things and enjoy them and it’s easy to write about a great run or a race I finished and share my proudest moments with as many people as possible! 

… and it is HARD to talk or write about why I eat things I don’t really want, or how I’m feeling on a bad day when that mean little skank in the dark corners of my brain has come to life and started beating on me like the Worst Bully Known to Any Middle School, Ever and I can’t find the shut-off valve to take her down or even dial her back a notch. 

Is this a universal problem, not specific to men or women? Are women more prone to this, more drawn to this “digital connection” with the world and allowing it to eat into their connections with The Real World?    More importantly, am I???

I don’t have an answer to this but I do have a suggestion.

It’s always been hard to connect in an intimate way with the people who love us.  It’s always been a struggle to give them our time and attention.  Since the beginning of time, couples have been arguing that “you spend more time with your buddies than with me” or “you work too much; I never see you!” This is not a new problem.  But technology has made it SO MUCH EASIER to waste our time on things that matter less than the person in the next room making dinner or doing his homework or sitting right on the other end of the couch. 

We must make the choice, EVERY DAMN DAY, to prioritize our time and energy WHERE IT MATTERS MOST.

There you have it.  My take on Problems Women Face In America.  At least, that's my response right now.  Ask me again in a year or so; I may have a whole other string of issues to discuss.  What are your thoughts?  Let me know in the comments or on my Facebook page. 

I'll be back to my regular programming soon with a recap of my FIRST HALF MARATHON and a few pics from the vacation before and after the race.  And of course, my NEXT half marathon... now less than two weeks away.

Choose well, my friends.  Every Damn Day.

 

A Fun Day at the Lake

Posting from my phone because I'm on the road tonight. This will be short on text but I want to stick with my plan for the weekend post SOMEthing!

Phone dump!  Pics from Mother's Day. My mom lives out of state, so I didn't get to spend the day with her. (Happy Mother's Day, mom!)  Jason suggested a hike at Evergreen Lake might be just the thing. We walked & hiked for a couple of hours, covered at least a couple of miles, but I don't know how much. It was a great day!!

Coty acted like we'd taken her to DisneyLand!!

Some geese (very pissed-off geese) and their eggs.  I managed to get Jason to distract the dog while I snapped this photo.  The eggs remained unharmed / untouched and undiscovered by Coty.

There is a lovely bird in there. Somewhere. 

If you can spot my dog in there, let me know!

This is one FILTHY dog after all that adventure!

Another:  Where's (Waldo) Coty?

The point of this photo was that Coty was in the weeds.  I couldn't find her but for her tail!

Hey, check it out!  There's some cool stuff ahead.  I'll show you!

Come ON!  Hurry UP!  We'll miss it!

She doesn't mind water. As long as it has mud on the bottom, doesn't go deeper than her chest, and smells questionable.

Cool tree.

Cool dog.  Believe this is just after chasing a flock of geese about half a mile through this clearing!

Fallen tree.

I'm hungry.  Can I have a goose?

Tired & dirty. Time to head home for a bath. 

4/15/2013

I have a touch of the writer's block.  I've read so many eloquent posts and essays in response to the senseless tragedy at the Boston Marathon, and I just have no words.  So while the past week has been eventful in terms of my own personal journey, it all seems so trivial and unworthy in comparison.

There was a group of local runners running Boston this year.  All have been accounted for and safe.  Several are involved in my running group and one mentioned she had finished just 8 minutes before the bombings.  Eight minutes.  That's 18 seconds per mile.  18 seconds slower over 26.2 miles and you're at the finish line when the bomb goes off, instead of picking up your chocolate milk and wearing your medal.  It's all just too close to home.

I may be at a loss for words, but many others are not.  The running community is one close-knit group - it's just that:  a community.  They are incredibly supportive and encouraging and resilient and strong.  And they endure.  (It's a f***king ENDURANCE sport.  Duh.)

Here is some of what I've read and appreciated the past two days:

The Colbert Report intro 4/16/13

SkinnyRunner.com blog post

Slow is the New Fast blog post

MizFit Online blog post

Next post, I will be back to my regularly-scheduled blogging.  I'll be running 9 miles Saturday morning with the Lake Run Club - a donate-what-you-wish charity run to benefit a local nonprofit that benefits children.  This is not in response to the bombings; it was planned months ago.  And Sunday I will be volunteering at the finish line of a 5k, supporting my community.  Because it's MY community now.  And this is what we do.  And this week, we all run for Boston.

from Life in the Day of a Runner - check them out!

Lies, Mo-Jo, Photos and Music

I awoke today with more than my share of motivation!

Plowed through work and had a very productive day, and headed home looking forward to a nice run in the bright sunshine and 40-degree weather.  I had a great run on Saturday - 6.2 miles in about and hour and 15 minutes - and a light, easy three miler was on tap for this evening.

Once through the warm-up, the first few minutes of running were troubling.  Heavy legs.  But my mo-jo was in overdrive, so I used a beginners' trick:  run for 5 minutes, take a short break, then get going again.  (Besides, the dog had some business to attend to.)  I must always remember when this happens:  my legs are liars.  They are insipid, fickle, lazy things, and they sometimes lie.  They are NOT made of lead.  They are light as air, they are strong and full of energy.  Knocked out the 2.5-mile running portion of today's route in about 32 minutes.  Not too shabby for someone with legs of iron, huh?

So, I guess I'm going in reverse order today.  Sunday, Easter, was lovely.  No exercise, too much food, lots of good conversation with great company over at grandma's house. There was pie.  And plenty of it.  With Cool Whip topping.  Oh, yeah.  That happened.

But in keeping with my reverse timeline for the weekend, my Sunday morning weigh-in was a big surprise!  You may recall that last Sunday I had been celebrating and eaten too much food the night before, and found the scale sadly increased by 1.5 pounds.  This week, I had NOT eaten my weight in Mexican food the night previous.  In fact, I had a pretty reasonable week, food-wise, and was reasonably active.  And I was rewarded!  Down 3.5 pounds from the previous weigh-in.  Okay, so let's ignore last week's weigh-in debacle, even if I discount that, it's a full 2 pounds down over two weeks - WAHOO!

This may have something to do with my big mo-jo surge today - I realized after the weigh-in that I am now 20.5 pounds from my goal weight!  This I find very encouraging.  I did a bit of research after this little revelation and found that I'm just shy of my lowest weight in five years.  The last time I was near this weight (165.5 as of today) was in May 2008 when I logged in at 162.0.  This was after a year or so on Weight-Watchers.  That was where I got stuck, and where I stayed, until I started gaining the weight back.  But I'm getting off-track... that story's for another post.

Back-tracking to Saturday:  an absolutely gorgeous day for a run, and boy, did I take advantage of it.  I had been out the night before with friends, out of town, at a concert (more on that in a bit... reverse timeline, remember?) and got home around 2am.  I just couldn't sleep at that point, and didn't sleep well once I did pass out.  I think I ended up sleeping from about 3am to 7am.  Oh well, sometimes that's just the price you pay for a FREAKING AWESOME night!  I had some cereal and coffee, watched TV for a bit, and got Coty ready for some Action.  I'm doing my LONG runs every OTHER week, and this was my off-week, so my long run was relatively short:  a practice 10k.  I really didn't know if I'd have the energy for it after the night I'd had, but I'd planned out a new route on MapMyRun as early as Tuesday and had been working to memorize it all week.  I was looking forward to trying it out.  Good thing for the planning; otherwise I may have wimped out and done a much shorter run!  Not much to say about it other than I really enjoyed it, and was really proud of myself for the follow-through.

After the run, I made those pies.  And they.  Were.  Amazing.  I'm really good at that.  Then I was heading out for our usual Saturday night festivities but Jason had to run some errands with his brother and I was left alone after 8pm and no longer knew what to do with myself.  Obviously, I chose to do my makeup and then take a picture of myself:

Now to the most fun part of today's post:  Friday night's concert!  It was a last-minute invitation and I'm SO glad my friends called.  I went to see GREEN DAY - one of my favorite bands - and with two of my very favorite people, former co-workers and dear friends, and members of the band I often go and see - Triple Charge Time.

Here we are before and during the show:

The show was fantastic - as you may expect, very high-energy - they played nearly all of my favorite songs, including several that are in frequent-rotation on my running playlist, and especially "Know Your Enemy" which may well be my favorite of their songs.  I can't say enough good things about the show!!

Our seats were fantastic - relatively close in a smallish venue - here are a couple of shots I got with my phone:

So that's my weekend wrap-up and weigh-in report for a Monday night.  I hope your weekend and your Monday were as fun-filled and action-packed as mine were!  Keep that mo-jo working all week long!!

Oh, and don't forget to "Like" my page on Facebook!

Know Your Enemy lyrics:

Do you know the enemy?Do you know your enemy?Well, gotta know the enemy, wah hey
Do you know the enemy?Do you know your enemy?Well, gotta know the enemy, wah hey
Do you know the enemy?Do you know your enemy?Well, gotta know the enemy, wah hey
Violence is an energyAgainst the enemyWell, violence is an energy, wah hey
Bringing on the furyThe choir infantryRevolt against the honor to obey
Overthrow the effigyThe vast majorityWell, burning down the foreman of control
Silence is the enemyAgainst your urgencySo rally up the demons of your soul
Do you know the enemy?Do you know your enemy?Well, gotta know the enemy, wah hey
Do you know the enemy?Do you know your enemy?Well, gotta know the enemy, wah hey
The insurgency will riseWhen the blood's been sacrificedDon't be blinded by the lies in your eyesSing!
Well, violence is an energy, oh ay, oh ayWell, from here to eternity, oh ay, oh ayWell, violence is an energy, oh ay, oh ayWell, silence is the enemy so gimme gimme revolution!
Do you know the enemy?Do you know your enemy?Well, gotta know the enemy, wah hey
Do you know the enemy?Do you know your enemy?Well, gotta know the enemy, wah hey
Do you know the enemy?Do you know your enemy?Well, gotta know the enemy, wah hey
Overthrow the effigyThe vast majorityBurning down the foreman of control
Silence is the enemyAgainst your urgencySo rally up the demons of your soul

Where I've Been, Part 1

Image courtesy of anankkml / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Last week, I said "over the next few days or so... " I will be reflecting on my previous excursions on the path to a healthy body.  Knowing my proclivity toward procrastination, perhaps it would have been prudent to say "over the next few weeks..."  In any case, this is my version of getting started.

I want to start by reiterating that this blog is something I do for my own benefit.  As motivating as it is to think that others sometimes read it, that there are those who appreciate these writings, who get some benefit from reading it (the same way that I get something out of reading other blogs) - whether it's inspiration, motivation, ideas, tools, tricks for staying on track, recipes, workout tips, or just the comfort of a shared experience - As much as that idea motivates me (after all, i could be writing all this stuff in a private diary rather than posting it online for the world to see), at the end of the day, the blog is for my own benefit.

With that said, I don't feel the need to go into ancient history in trying to figure out all this stuff.  I didn't have a traumatic childhood experience that haunts me as an adult and needs exploring, and that is NOT what this is about.  (To steal a phrase from a blogger I read frequently:  "This is not that blog.")  Don't get me wrong, I had my share of painful and distressing experiences as a child and teen - some may even argue more than my share - but what's there is ancient history.  I'm a well-adjusted adult, pushing 40, and if I did still have lingering childhood issues, I doubt if a blog post would be the best forum to work it out!

So I'll start with reflecting on who, what, and where I was in early 2001.

You know, tomorrow.  

In the meantime, here's a pic from around that time:

This is Not A Race Recap

I'm so, so, SO tired today.  Had a fantastic race on Saturday and can't wait to write a race recap... but can't write it tonight, I'm way too tired.  After that great race experience on Saturday, went out with The Hubs Saturday night and had a lot of fun... but woke up for no good reason Sunday morning at 7am.  Ugh.  Felt like I got no sleep!  Jason was in the same boat, so we headed out to breakfast and ran some errands.  (Picked up some new running clothes, of course... what else??)

Got to bed around 11pm, not sure how I managed to stay up that late!  I was headed to the Danville office this morning so needed to get up by 5:15am, so I wasn't going to get a full night's rest anyway.  And then the phone rang.  At 3am. A minor emergency, but an emergency nonetheless.  The Hubs got The Teenager & headed out to save the day for our friend in need.  I tossed & turned for an hour till they returned, then passed out cold.  That is, until the alarm went off.  And out the door I went.

Had a good day at work today, but MAN... I'm tired.  So the race recap will have to wait until tomorrow.

Night, all.
ZZZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Weekend Update

Some fun stuff:  
I attended the annual Lake Run Club Awards banquet last night.  It was lots of fun to mingle & socialize with my fellow runners, in "real" clothes!  I had been nominated for a couple of awards, which I didn't win, but after the "official" awards were given out, they had some other "Scandalous Honors"... examples:  "Spits really well, for a girl"  - "My wife beats me, and I'm happy about it" - "Most races completed in the least clothing" - "Don't Wait for Me, I'm Running Late" - and Coty won one of those!

I've been saying for years that she's the best running partner a girl could hope for; now it's official!

I often joke that people are more likely to recognize the dog than to recognize me because she's ALWAYS with me.  I love that she won an award for best running partner - it's SO appropriate!!

Blog Business:  
My gym workout on Thursday left me a little sore to say the least.  Those funky moves with the Bosu Ball utilized some muscles that had been lying dormant.  Friday's plan was to clean house and do a 4 mile run.  That didn't go so well.  It was just one of those runs, it took about 1.5 miles before I started to feel loose enough to run for any length of time but I was really just pretty stiff.  I did a lot of walking, jogged whenever it felt comfortable.  Eventually I settled on a revised goal for the day of completing the 4-mile route in under an hour, and I did manage that.  They can't all be awesome runs.  Sometimes you just have to trudge through and finish, even when it doesn't feel perfect.

Yesterday, more housekeeping was in order (does it count as "nesting" if you're prepping for a new job rather than a new baby??) and another 4-mile run.  I waited for the weather to warm up a little (36 degrees and not too windy) in the afternoon, and decided on the fly to make it a 5-mile run.  I'm wanting to run longer segments and get used to running at least three miles without a break, so I did my normal warmup walk / run for a mile, then ran 3.1 miles without a stop, and walked (with a little jogging thrown in) the remainder of the way home.

You can clearly see here my walk then run for the first 1.0 miles, then running at a pretty steady pace from 1.1 to 4.2

And check out the NEGATIVE splits for the three miles in the middle here!

Negative splits:  I could get used to that.

Now THAT felt GREAT.  Finished about 5.2 miles in 1:15.  Average pace was about 14:30 which of course is not great, but my aim was for steady, strong, and not stopping so goal achieved for the day.  Speed workouts are for another day.  You just never know what today's run will be like until you get out there and GET GOING!

"The great thing about athletics is that it's like poker, sometimes you know what's in your hand and it may be a load of rubbish, but you've got to keep up the front."
--Sebastian Coe
I found this little gem at http://www.brocawblazers.org/camp/running_quotes.html

More Blog Business:
Well it's Sunday, which means it's Weigh-In Day, and today was a good one:  this morning I was down 1.4 lbs from last week - hooray for Tangible Evidence of Progress!

Last Thing:  
Tomorrow is my first day at the new gig.  I'm looking forward to it, excited & a little nervous... hope I get a good night's sleep.  Things I'd like to do tonight (AKA Things I Would Do Tonight If I Was Smart):  come up with a meal and exercise plan for the week.  Planning has proven to be key to my success so far, and with a new job, it's a big question-mark what my schedule will be, how it's all going to work, etc.  Tomorrow all I know is where & when to show up, and that I'll be in orientation all day.  Think I'll pack a lunch that I can leave in the car (it's cold enough outside, it will be like it's in a fridge), and then if I'm free for lunch I have something planned already.  And some snacks in my purse as well for my mid-day snack.

Wish me luck!

I actually had a couple of other items I wanted to post about this evening... but they don't feel like they belong in this post!  Perhaps another post is in order tonight.  We'll see...

Feels like: 1 degree

OK I don't want to harp on this all the time but seriously, it's COLD again.

No one else was available to walk the dog so I put my big-girl panties on and got the job done.  In addition to the big-girl panties, I put on a pair of long cotton yoga pants, an old pair of jeans (which are now thankfully too big for me so they fit over the yoga pants), three shirts, a sweatshirt, one of my husband's giant coats for working outside, a hat, scarf, and gloves.  It must have taken about 20 minutes to get into all that gear.  I looked perfectly ridiculous, so obviously my first instinct was to snap a photo.

You know you love it.

Clearly, this was not going to be a night for a great workout.  I walked the dog for about 25 minutes in the frigid air & got home to warm up and make dinner.

That's all I have for tonight.  Brrrr!!  

CPAGrrrl, out.